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family ~ friends ~ allies ~ relationships
Resources I am personally connected with and also local/Washington state ones are listed first,
then national, international and internet-only ones.

The American Home Economics Association defined family as:     
"... two or more persons who share resources, share responsibility for decisions, share values and goals, and have commitments to one another over a period of time. The family is that climate that one comes home to; and it is that network of sharing and commitments that most accurately describes the family unit, regardless of blood, legalities, or adoption or marriage."

"Window" is a film I made for my final project as a senior film student at The Evergreen State College in Olympia, Washington in 1989. Some brief but important notes were added at the end along with the much shorter original video this film was made from. The boy in it was my son Bill Clayton at age ten. After watching this if you want to know more about Bill, see

For Parents, Guardians and Family Members of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Two-Spirit, Transgender, Intersex or Questioning Youth - an excellent brochure composed by Carolyn Wagner with input from many parents who have known and experienced the challenges and blessings of raising a child whose sexual orientation and/or gender identity is different from their parents.

Two versions - one to read online, one to download & print with room for your organization's name and information on the back page.

Adoption Family Center - an online virtual community created by Families Like Ours (listed below), to serve the non-traditional adoptive family. Brings adoptive, pre-adoptive and adoption professionals together 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with resources, tools and family support.

Allyship - Seattle - a LGBTQ organization concentrating on building allies outside of the queer community. Through anti-oppression values, with a special emphasis on anti-racism, Allyship will build long-lasting relationships with organizations and activists in other progressive movements. By helping other progressive causes and organizations, such as healthcare, housing, civil rights, environmental racism, reproductive rights etc. Allyship will educate non-queer movements with queer analysis. It will assist non-queer movements in creating liberation for all, and will help educate the queer community on the interconnection of ‘isms’. Not enough organizations spend enough time connecting issues and creating unified movements, Allyship will foster an activist environment that educates about the merits of building allies and working from an anti-oppression analysis. 

Books Providing More Information - from Pacific Northwest PFLAG.

COLAGE - Seattle chapter of the national organization (see below.) For information contact Rebecca Landa: 206-363-0880 or email: -

Familia_de_transgeneros - Español - Apoyo para familia de transexuales. Si su hijo/a es trangenero, entienda que no es el unico, ni el primero, ni el ultimo. Aprenda a comprenderlo y amarlo tal como es. Espero que este grupo le ayude a comprender mejor la sexualidad de su hijo/a y lo esto significa para usted y su relacion futura con el /ella. La mission de este grupo es de ofrecer apoyo, informacion, y communicacion a padres y familiares de niños y adultos Transexuales, y Transgeneros.

Families Like Ours - Renton, WA - devoted to the needs & support of non-traditional adoptive families, providing adoptive and pre-adoptive families with a centralized resource for information and support. "All our programs are in place for gay, lesbian, and other non-traditional adoptive families. Our commitment is to make available the support and tools necessary that provide healthy environments for all our children."

Friends and Family: True Stories of Gay America's Straight Allies - I was one of the people interviewed by Dan Woog this wonderful book, released by Alyson Books (ISBN: 1555834914) in September 1999

The Gay Fathers Association of Seattle (GFAS) - dedicated to providing a safe and supportive environment for all gay and/or bisexual men who have children, and seeks to promote community awareness, act as a referral and resource network, and provide peer support for the entire family.

Gender Spectrum Education and Training - national organization based in Seattle, WA & Orinda, CA - dedicated to creating a more supportive world for people of all genders. Gender Spectrum provides education, resources and training to help families, schools, healthcare providers, businesses, and organizations create a more gender sensitive and supportive environment for all people, including gender variant and transgender youth. Services include a monthly family support group for parents of gender variant and transgender children in Seattle.

GLBT Health - Domestic Violence - Public Health Seattle & King County, WA - Myths About Same-Sex Domestic Violence, Differences Between Same-Sex and Opposite-Sex Domestic Violence, and more.

Inlaws & Outlaws - a powerful, exquisite new film by writer, director, filmmaker Drew Emery of Seattle, WA and the True Stories Project - As the gay marriage debate rages on, this film goes beyond the rhetoric to explore just what it means to be married. It gets past all the rhetoric to capture the heart of the matter: it's about love. Everybody has a story to tell about meeting their mate, deciding to commit and struggling with the ups and downs of a long-term (or not-so-long-term) relationship. By weaving together a series of refreshingly honest interviews, Inlaws & Outlaws takes a humorous and wide-angled look at real relationships of all shapes and sizes. Whether straight or gay, young or old, coupled or single, by the end, you'll be rooting for them all ... and falling in love with love. It's marriage from the inside. And out.

Felicia Loud - based in Seattle - Drew Emery called the film Inlaws & Outlaws a musical comedy during a talkback in Olympia on February 27, 2007. It was very funny at times, and the luscious, mellow jazz and blues songs in it were sung by Felicia Loud.

Legal Marriage Alliance of Washington (LMA) - working to achieve the legal right of civil marriage for same-sex couples in Washington State, LMA is a clearinghouse for same-sex marriage information offering speakers, resource materials, volunteer opportunities, and a public voice for the freedom to marry.

TransParentcy - dedicated to transgender parents and their children. My friend Paula Funatake writes, "Our mission is to provide the Transgender Parent, and their supporters (lawyers, mental health professionals), with information and resources to diffuse and/or dispel the myths about any adverse impact being transgendered/transsexual might have on one's children." 

Northwest Network Of Bisexual, Trans, Lesbian and Gay Survivors Of Abuse (formerly AABL) - Seattle, WA - support, advocacy, information and counseling for BTLGQ people who are dealing with domestic violence. Domestic violence support groups, safety planning, legal advocacy,  community education; training for service providers and more.

PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) - PFLAG's mission is to promote the health and well-being of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered persons, their families and friends through: support to cope with an adverse society; education to enlighten and ill-informed public; and advocacy to end discrimination and to secure equal civil rights. PFLAG provides opportunity for dialogue about sexual orientation and gender identity, and acts to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity.
- and an interactive map of chapters.
and The PFLAG National Blog -

My local chapter is PFLAG-Olympia - we welcome all allies - straight and GLBTQ. Our chapter's monthly attendance typically has an equal number of both. and see PFLAG-Olympia Blog -

Bringing the Message Home 2007: PFLAG’s Fifth Annual Guide to Home District Lobby Meetings - focuses the advocacy efforts of PFLAG members to influence federal legislation by helping them meet with legislators between Mother's Day and Father's Day to discuss issues that matter to our families. and in pdf format at (pdf format)

Cultivating Respect - a project of PFLAG. "For too many of our children, attending school can be a frightening experience. As parents, families and friends we need to do something to make schools safer for our LGBT and all students. Please join us by advocating for strong national policies, learning the Top 10 Ways you can Make Schools Safer… For All Students, hosting a PFLAG Cultivating Respect certification training in your community, or promoting our national scholarship program. We each have an important role to play in fighting bullying and harassment, and everyone has a stake in the success of this work."

More on Safe and Inclusive Schools  - a PFLAG priority.

PFLAG's Families of Color Network (FOCN) - facilitates PFLAG activists of color to work together on local and national levels to fight homophobia, striving to promote cross-culture synergism & to make ethnic communities safe for GLBTs through education. It has specific information on African American; Asian-American/API; Arab-American/Muslim; Latino; and Native American communities, as well as news stories; and cross-cultural links.

PFLAG Online Newsroom - with PFLAG's most recent press releases, articles from across the country that quote, mention or feature PFLAG National or PFLAG chapters, action alerts, hot topics and tools for journalists.  

Safe and Inclusive Schools - making schools in our nation safe for all youth, but particularly for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) young people, has long been among PFLAG's top priorities. Safe schools also means inclusive schools. PFLAG has been a leader in the fight for educational programs and curricula that are inclusive of the concerns of GLBT students. Accurate, unbiased, and fair information about GLBT issues – from health to history – is key to creating a welcoming and supportive educational environment for all students. PFLAG Safe School Resources: Safe Schools and Anti-Bullying Legislation, Comprehensive Sexuality Education, and PFLAG's From Our House to the Schoolhouse program. 

The Stay Close Campaign - PFLAG New York City and Metro DC PFLAG recruited talented individuals from various fields (advertising, PR, law, media) to work pro bono on an awareness effort known as the "Stay Close" campaign which features straight celebrities with their gay relatives. The message is clear: Stay Close to your loved ones because relationships are too precious to lose. 

Straight for Equality - a PFLAG outreach and education project that empowers straight people in supporting and advocating for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender (GLBT) people. Straight for Equality reaches out to straight allies who may not have realized how their own contribution can make a significant difference. It also seeks allies who understand the importance of this goal but may be hesitant to get involved.  This project will boost these allies’ confidence by providing them with the tools, knowledge, skills and opportunities to take the next step in supporting and advocating for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people in three primary arenas: our homes, our workplaces, and our communities. Basically, if there’s a place where you can talk to someone else, there’s an opportunity for you to put some of the things you can get from Straight for Equality into action. We’re not talking about major political protests (although that's certainly an option) but the tiny everyday changes – like not omitting the fact that your best friend is gay when you’re telling grandma about him – raise awareness and challenge assumptions and stereotypes. Maybe it means objecting when someone at the office tells that really over-the-top gay joke…again. Or perhaps it is about paying attention to how a candidate stands on equality issues and making your opinion heard with your vote. Really, the possibilities for what you can do are endless.

A Straight Guide to GLBT Americans from PFLAG and HRC written for straight people walks you through the emotional spectrum that people typically feel after someone comes out to them, outlines myths and facts about GLBT people, and gives easy ways for straight people to learn more and demonstrate their support for GLBT Americans. (pdf format)

PFLAG Publications - PFLAG has some of it's booklets and other items for sale and some of its publications in pdf format.  

  • NEW! PFLAG Faith Field Guide (exclusively available online, in PDF format).

  • NEW! Welcoming Our Trans Family and Friends.

  • Be Yourself: Questions and Answers for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth.

  • Se Tu Mismo. This is the Spanish translation of PFLAG's publication, Be Yourself.

  • Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People.

  • Nuestras hijas y nuestros hijos: Preguntas y respuestas para padres de gays, lesbianas y bisexuales.  A culturally appropriate Spanish translation of  "Our Daughters and Sons.

  • Faith in Our Families: Parents, Families and Friends Talk About Religion and Homosexuality.

  • Opening the Straight Spouses Closet

  • Bisexuality Resource Packet

  • Guide to Being a Straight Ally.

  • Straight for Equality Field Guide. 

PFLAG's Transgender Network (TNET) - a "Special Affiliate." Much like a PFLAG chapterbut instead of a geographical focus, TNET is focuses specifically on support for transgender people and their parents, families, and friends; education on transgender facts and issues; and advocacy for equal rights for the transgender community at local and national levels. It works to provide resources to PFLAG chapters and to the National Office.

Carly: She's Still My Daddy - a 20-page booklet from PFLAG's TNET for children of transgender persons by Mary Boenke with illustrations by Dolores Dudley. This story is appropriate for elementary school children. It is told from a child's point of view about his father's transition from Carl to Carly and also introduces the reader to other trans persons ~ female to male, intersex, crossdressers, and those who live in the middle. The reactions of playmates, grandparents, and the child's mother are represented. Benchmarks of Carly's full transition are built into the story. Illustrations are on every page and are simple and appropriate. The story is realistic and positive.

Pacific Northwest PFLAG - a five state region including Alaska, Idaho, Montana, Oregon & Washington. The site has a list of state chapters with contact information and events. It also has vision & mission statements, military support, a list of books providing more information; internet resources listing general & youth web sites, transgender web sites, intersex web sites & faith support web sites.

PFLAG Canada - a nation-wide organization that deals with sexual orientation and gender identity issues from a family perspective, providing support, education and resources. Volunteers across Canada open their hearts and homes, give freely of their time and are there to listen to people in their time of crisis. 

The Religious Coalition for Equality - an interfaith association of lay persons and clergy committed to this twofold purpose: to educate Washington State citizens about and to advocate for marriage equality for all couples and the civil rights of all. 

The Religious Coalition for Equality has drafted a new Faith Statement which opposes discrimination based upon sexual orientation. Clergy, religious leaders, and other people of faith are encouraged to sign the Faith Statement. 

Safeplace is the only advocacy agency and confidential shelter for survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault in Thurston County. They offer a 24-hour crisis phone line to provide immediate support to survivors who may still be with their perpetrator (360 754 6300, TTY 360 943 6703); shelter services for women and children; support groups; emergency needs assistance; legal advocacy; medical advocacy; and more. 

Survivor Project - Portland, OR - addressing the needs of intersex and trans survivors of domestic and sexual violence through caring action, education and expanding access to resources and to opportunities for action. Providing presentations, workshops, consultation, materials, information and referrals to many anti-violence organizations and universities across the country, as well as gathered information about issues faced by intersex and trans survivors of domestic and sexual violence. Doing multi-issue anti-oppression work & committed to resisting and confronting all violence and oppression (such as racism, sexism, classism, ableism, etc.) at every level, including and especially within our own organization.

AFFIRM: Psychologists Affirming their Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Family - "The AFFIRM network not only provides open support for our own family members, but also supports clinical and research work on GLB issues within psychology and encourages sensitivity to the role of sexual orientation in all clinical and research work."

Another Closet: Domestic Violence in Gay and Lesbian Relationships - NSW (New South Wales), Australia - a relationship checklist, a collection of personal stories of domestic violence in gay and lesbian relationships, information about services, referral information, resources,  information for service providers, and more.

APA Public Interest Directorate: Research Summary on Lesbian and Gay Parenting by Charlotte J. Patterson for the American Psychological Association. A 1995 research summary provided by the Public Interest Directorate of lesbian and gay parents and their children designed for mental health professionals working with lesbian and gay clients. Also includes an annotated bibliography.

Asian and Pacific Islander Family Pride - works to end the isolation of Asian and Pacific Islander families with lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender members through support, education, and dialog. 

Atticus Circle - educates and mobilizes fair-minded straight people to advance equal rights for LGBT partners, parents, and their children. To accomplish its goal, Atticus Circle focuses on education, policy development, and legal advocacy. It was named by founder Anne S. Wynne after Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird.

Barbara & Tibby: A Love Story - In the Face Of Hate - They just celebrated 39 years of life together. One, a teacher. The other, a psychotherapist.
Their dream:  ~ to live simply ~ to contribute to their community ~ to take care of each other, their children & grandchildren ~ to grow old together
After overcoming years of prejudice & discrimination in the name of love, these women made their home in the state of Virginia. This video documents what happens after July 1, 2004, when a law passed that jeopardizes basic civil rights. Barbara & Tibby, concerned with health, family, retirement and security issues, are unable to risk having their legal contracts invalidated at this stage of their lives. They must leave their beloved community and move to another state where the political and social climate is less hostile. 

Be An Ally, Be A Friend - a resource guide from GLAAD, the Gay, Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. It includes sections on: 10 Ways to be an Ally & a Friend; Is your child gay?; Teen & student allies; Stop anti-gay violence & bullies; Images in the media; When your mom or dad is gay; The workplace & LGBT issues; Equal rights, not special rights; Faith issues; Straight spouses; Concerns about HIV/AIDS; Additional Online Resources; Books.

CRISIS: 40 Stories Revealing the Personal, Social, and Religious Pain and Trauma of Growing Up Gay In America - a book by philanthropist and longtime human rights advocate Mitchell Gold, with unique blend of up-close and personal stories. Chapters include Religious Discrimination, Family and Community Rejection, School and Social Discrimination, In the Workplace, What I Know Now: On Losing a Child, The Sin Question, and Exposé: A Silent Epidemic of Depression, Isolation, and Fear.

COLAGE - a national movement of children, youth and adults with one or more lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and/or queer parents - contains everything from local chapters, summer camps and scholarships to "Snappy Answers to Stoopid Questions". COLAGE builds community and works toward social justice through youth empowerment, leadership development, education, and advocacy. They offer chapters and events nationally, visibility tools and resources for schools and communities, Speak OUT national network of youth leaders, online communities and more.

Tips for Coming Out to your Kids - from COLAGE - (pdf format)

Transition Tips for Parents - from COLAGE - Advice for parents undergoing a gender transition. (pdf format)

The Complete Lesbian and Gay Parenting Guide - by Arlene Istar Lev, LCSW, CASAC. A comprehensive look at parenting within for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender- headed families. This book moves beyond proving that lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people have a right to parent and examines the day-to-day realities of life with children. Lev, a family therapist with twenty years experience describes the emerging diversity of LGBT families, options for becoming parents, single parenting, coming-out, and infertility, as well as humorously addressing issues such as coping with colic and finding time for adult intimacy.

Daddy & Papa - this documentary film by Johnny Symons explores gay fatherhood and its impact on American culture through the stories of four different families From surrogacy, foster care, and interracial adoption, to the complexities of gay marriage and divorce, to the battle for full legal status as parents, Daddy & Papa presents a revealing look at some of the gay fathers who are breaking new ground in the ever-changing landscape of the American family.

The Dysfunctional Family Letter Generator - (humor?) - "If you are from a dysfunctional family, you have either received or written a letter like this. Don't waste any more of your valuable time digging deep into the depths of your soul to tell your family off. Instead, let me do all the hard work for you. You just sit back, take a load off."

Family Acceptance Project - a community research, intervention and education initiative to study the impact of family acceptance and rejection on the health, mental health and well-being of lesbian, gay and bisexual and transgender (LGBT) youth. This project -- created by Caitlin Ryan with Rafael Dìaz, and Jorge Sanchez -- is designed to: 1) study parents' and families' reactions to an adolescent's coming out; 2) develop training and assessment materials for health, mental health, and school-based providers, child welfare and family service workers on working with LGB and queer youth (LGBQ) and families; 3) develop resources to strengthen families in supporting LGBQ adolescents; and 4) train health, mental health and school-based providers to use assessment resources and training materials to improve health outcomes and services for LGBQ youth and families. 

Supportive Families, Healthy Children Helping Families with Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Children - by Caitlin Ryan, PhD, ACSW - Director, Family Acceptance Project San Francisco State University. "This booklet was written for families like yours to help strengthen families and foster families with gay and transgender children and adolescents. And to help you provide support and to decrease your gay or transgender child’s risk for serious health and mental health problems in adulthood. The information in this booklet comes from research we did with families with LGBT adolescents and young adults." (pdf format)

 Niños saludables con el apoyo familiar Ayuda para familias con hijos e hijas lesbianas, gays, bisexuales y transgénero - por Dra. Caitlin Ryan, ACSW - Directora del Proyecto en Familia San Francisco State University  "Este folleto fue escrito para familias como la suya a fin de ayudar a fortalecer a las familias, incluyendo las familias adoptivas con niños y adolescentes homosexuales y transgénero. También fue escrito para ayudarles a brindar apoyo y reducir el riesgo de que sus hijos homosexuales o transgénero tengan serios problemas de salud física y mental cuando sean adultos. La información de este folleto proviene de una investigación que realizamos con familias con adolescentes y jóvenes LGBT." (pdf format)

Families Are Talking is part of The Family Project of SIECUS - the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States. This project has been created to empower parents and caregivers to communicate with their children about sexuality-related issues, to provide tools to help families communicate about these issues, and to encourage parents, caregivers, and young people to become advocates for sexuality-related issues including comprehensive sexuality education programs in the schools.

Families Like Mine - a web site dedicated to decreasing isolation for children with parents who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender (GLBT), and bringing voice to the experiences of these families, created by Abigail Garner, a lifetime advocate for GLBT families because she comes from one herself. You can find information on support, networking and resources.

Family Acceptance - A conservative Christian family with a gay son share their journey.

The Family Equality Council - works to ensure equality for LGBT families by building community, changing hearts and minds, and advancing social justice for all families. They envision a future where all families, regardless of creation or composition, will be able to live in communities that recognize, respect, protect, and celebrate them; and a country that celebrates a diversity of family constellations and respects individuals for supporting one another and sustaining loving families.

OUTSpoken Families - is the national speakers bureau for Family Equality. It is a groundbreaking program that trains parents and allies to speak about family equality. LGBTQ parents, extended family members and caring allies have all committed to being a part of this groundbreaking and very powerful ensemble. Over 1000 people in 39 states, the District of Columbia, 1 US territory and 3 countries have signed on to be OUTSpoken.

Project Harmony: an initiative of Family Equality Council, is proud to present A Dialogue with LGBTQ Families of Color, is part of their Listening Tour Series. This series looks to collects stories, experiences, issues and concerns of LGBTQ-headed families of color and mixed-race families as we move to create “The State of LGBTQ Families of Color” and use the information to shape the programs and policies of Family Equality Council. For more information, contact Lisbeth Melendez Rivera at 202.520.1817. Website:

Fine By Me - began at Duke University in  at a dinner conversation between friends — gay and straight. They started Fine By Me because they believe it is easier for LGBT people to come out of the closet if their friends and allies publicly come out against homophobia too. It There are countless people all across America who support equal rights — both gay and straight, from every community in every state — and they want to work to stand up against discrimination. The Gay? Fine By Me™ T-Shirt Project has been a success at high schools, colleges, businesses, churches, and in communities all across America.

FORGE (For Ourselves: Reworking Gender Expression) Resources:

For Parents Of Gay Children - Can We Understand? OutProud presents this information that was prepared by New York City PFLAG and adapted with permission.

Freedom to Marry - a gay and non-gay partnership working to win marriage equality nationwide. 

Gay Married Men of America (GAMMA) - supports gay men in heterosexual marriages at every stage of their sexual self-recognition, provide confidential environments where issues surrounding straight spouses, children, the workplace, health, male relationships, gay culture, and coming-out out can be explored in an understanding, affirming atmosphere.

The Gay Men's Domestic Violence Project - Cambridge, MA - shelter, guidance and resources to allow gay, bisexual, and transgender men in crisis to remove themselves from violent situations and relationships. They offer information, resources and survivor stories on their website.

Gay Parent Magazine - for lesbians and gay men who are or wish to be parents.

Get Busy Get Equal - a project of the ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union) This is a toolkit to help you protect your relationships (including fighting for marriage), find resources on parenting, make schools safe, fight against LGBT discrimination, and, for all issues, organize effectively. 

(How) Does the Sexual Orientation of Parents Matter? - a study by Judith Stacey and Timothy J. Biblarz of the University of Southern California - "Opponents of lesbian and gay parental rights claim that children with lesbigay parents are at higher risk for a variety of negative outcomes. Yet most research in psychology concludes that there are no differences in developmental outcomes between children raised by lesbigay parents and those raised by heterosexual parents. The analysis here challenges this defensive conceptual framework and analyzes how heterosexism has hampered intellectual progress in the field." (pdf format) 

HRC Family Project - from the Human Rights Campaign, includes both the HRC Family Project for Parenting and the HRC Family Project for Marriage and Relationship Recognition

If You Are Concerned About Your Child's Gender Behaviors: A Parent guide - from Children's National Medical Center in Washington D.C.. Sections include: Defining Gender-Variance; Commonly Seen Behaviors; Why Gender-Variance Occurs; What to Expect in the Future; Child's View of Himself; Can it be Changed?; How to Help; Pitfalls to Avoid; Dealing With My Feelings; and Seeking Professional Help.

Lead With Love - "What do I do if my child is gay?" This 35-minute documentary was created to help answer that question, to provide comfort, information, and guidance for parents who have recently learned that their son or daughter is lesbian, gay, or bisexual. The film follows four families as they share their honest reactions to hearing that their child is gay, including the intense emotions, fears, and questions that it raised. Interviews with psychologists, teachers, and clergy provide factual answers to parents' most commonly asked questions, as well as concrete guidance to help parents keep their children healthy and safe during this challenging time. While the film is not just about a religious response, one of my favorite quotes is at 14:30 when Bishop Yvette Flunder, City of Refuge, United Church of Christ said: "I think it is critically important that all Christians and all people of faith show thier love not by making access to God and to good exclusionary, but to seek to be inclusionary essentialy to make the table of the lord as we say in the Christian church available to everyone. And when we don't know exactly what to do, let's err on the side of putting more chairs at the table and making the table larger and longer and bigger until everyone has a place."

Lesbian & Gay Rights: Domestic Partnership, Civil Unions, Marriage - news, information and resources .

The LGBT Project - the ACLU fights discrimination and moves public opinion on LGBT rights through the courts, legislatures and public education across five issue areas including relationships and parenting and others.

Marriage Equality USA (MEUSA) - working to secure the freedom and the right of same- sex couples to enter a legally-recognized civil marriage having all the federal and state benefits and responsibilities which that entails. 

Anything Less is Less Than Equal - from MEUSA “What About Domestic Partnership and Civil Union?” Only Civil Marriage can truly give gay and lesbian couples all the protections afforded by the Federal and individual state governments and ensure equality in the eyes of the law. Compares domestic partnership, civil union and civil marriage. Note: when same-sex partners win the right to marry in one state, federal benefits will not be automatic. We will have to overturn restrictions imposed by DOMA (The Defense of Marriage Act) before couples achieve federal recognition. - Understand what's at stake. Lots of information and resources, the Choose or Lose ads being shown on MTV, and more. 

Marriage/Partner Recognition - a resource from The Task Force. Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) families deserve the same respect, recognition and protection as all other families. Family recognition and the many rights and protections it provides is essential to the well-being of our families.  

Marriage - from Lambda Legal - Regardless of how completely their lives are intertwined or how deeply they care for each other, individuals in same-sex relationships frequently are treated like strangers under the law. Many lesbian and gay couples share in the same responsibilities as married couples but are denied the same legal and social support. Lambda Legal works to end this second-class status.

Mom, I Need To Be a Girl - written by Just Evelyn, the mom of a transsexual child who transitioned including surgery while still in high school. Includes advice to trans youth and their parents, questions to ask in choosing a counselor, an endocrinologist, and more. and format) also in Español, Français, Português, and Deutsch

Mombian - a website created by Dana Rudolph for lesbian moms and other LGBT parents, offering a mix of parenting, politics, diversions, and resources for all our varied roles. Mombian provides parenting tips, children’s activities, book reviews for parents and children, and political news and commentary, all from the perspective of a lesbian mom. It also includes a helping of lesbian culture and entertainment, in the belief that mothers don’t lose their other interests the moment they become parents.

My Child is GAY! Now What Do I Do? - "Bewildered? Confused? Angry? Feeling guilty? Worried? Believe me, you're not alone. As the gay community comes out of the closet, parents by the hundreds of thousands are discovering that they are the parents of gay youth. This can be a crisis or an opportunity, it's all up to you!" A great site by Scott Bidstrup, who also does the "The Cool Page for Queer Teens!" (see my youth resources page)

Our Families Count - works to educate and motivate all LGBT Americans and households to be visible in 2010, and to take part in the 2010 U.S. Census. "This education campaign also reflects our deepening cooperation with the U.S. Census Bureau, which has actively sought our leadership in reaching out to many Americans who so often are overlooked and undercounted. They share our goal in achieving an accurate picture of our true numbers in the United States."

Outreach Program for Gender-Variant Children and their Families/Parents - information, resources, a parents listserv and more in this program of the Children's National Medical Center in Washington, D.C. and Sexuality Development Program

Out of the Ordinary: Essays on Growing Up With Gay, Lesbian, and Transgender Parents - by Noelle Howey and Ellen Jean Samuels. Published 2000 by St. Martin's Press. ISBN 0-312-24489-4. This collection of essays is an anthology of stories by the grown children of lesbian, gay, and transgender parents. Ranging from humorous to poignant, the essays touch on some of the most important and complicated issues facing them: dealing with a parent's sexual orientation and gender identity while developing an identity of their own; overcoming homophobia at school and at family or social gatherings; and defining the modern family. Foreword by Margarethe Cammermeyer, Ph.D., author of Serving in Silence, and preface by columnist and author Dan Savage. Out of the Ordinary also includes a resource guide. See sample chapters here. More information on Powells bookstore (Portland, OR)

Parents Celebrating our Unique Children - Support for parents, children, and individuals with intersex conditions. - an online portal for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender parents and their families worldwide. Family Life, Single Parenting, Generations,  Kids' Room, Issues, GLBT Youth, Commitments, Reproduction, Surrogacy, Adoption/Fostering, and Parenting.

Rainbow Rumpus - a magazine for kids with LGBT parents that brings great stories and a sense of community to youth and families across the U.S. and the globe.

The Rainbow Trail - "Every crossdresser has an S.O. (significant other) whether it be a wife or parent, child or sibling, cousin or friend. This is our page to reach out and touch one another."

Rhea Murray - a proud and eloquent mother of a gay son is from Seymour, Indiana, and one of my PFLAG friends. She is the author of A Journey to Moriah. - this ongoing resource and support for teachers, administrators, students and parents who participate in the healthy relationship curriculum is from  The Prevention Subcommittee of the Domestic Violence Task Force in Delaware, made up of dedicated people who believe that in order for our children to grow up and become healthy and happy adults we need to start teaching them as young people how to have safe and respectful relationships.

Sol's Pages: A Young Activist's Scrapbook - A remarkable 12-year-old girl speaks out about her lesbian moms - and lots of issues.

SO YOU WANT TO BE AN ALLY! A zine on anti-oppression, allyship, and being a less shitty person. "Hopefully this zine will leave you better prepared to confront your own privileges and work on dismantling the systems of oppression that give you those privileges."  "You do not get to call yourself an ally. ... Calling oneself an ally takes away the agency and denies the expertise of targets of oppression in that particular oppression." (pdf format)

Straight Spouse Network (SSN) - An international support network of heterosexual spouses and partners, current or former, of gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender mates. Members provide confidential personal support and resource information to spouses and partners nationwide and abroad.

Thoughts on a Father's Coming Out to His Children - by Amity Pierce Buxton, Ph.D. (founder of the Straight Spouse Network) 

Unseen-Unheard: The Journey of Straight Spouses - book by Amity Buxton and R.L. Pinely. What would you do if your husband told you he’d fallen in love with another man or thinks he might be gay or bisexual? What would you do if you discovered your wife's texts, photos or emails indicating she has a female lover or wonders if she might be lesbian or bisexual? Well, this happens, a shattering reality that at least two million men and women among us have faced and tried to understand and accept even as we were unseen and our voices unheard.

Herbert the Hedgehog A Story of Acceptance... - book by Amity P. Buxton & Lynn E Mueller; iIllustrations by David Tinoco. Herbert knows what it’s like not to belong, to be different from everybody else.  Though he’s just like his family in many ways, inside he feels different. Try as he might, he can't find a way to talk about it.  He thinks he can figure it out by himself.  Can he?

Telling The Children: A Transsexual's Commentary - by Paula Keiser 

TransFamily - a support group for transgendered and transsexual people, their parents, partners, children, other family members, friends, and supportive others. This group is based in Cleveland, Ohio; they provide referrals, an extensive list of recommended books, and over-the-phone information on all transgender issues. The internet has enabled them to extend helping hands to transgendered individuals and their families across the globe. 
The TransFamily E-Mail Discussion Groups (below) with more information and links to subscribe from

TransFamily Newsletter - for distribution only, which means that nobody on the list can send an email to the other subscribers on the list. As this list is just for the monthly newsletter or other very important meeting announcements, you will probably only receive one or two e-mail's from the list per month.

TransFamily Discussion List - for all transitioning individuals, their friends, and family; any one who would like to participate in an exchange of information on the subject. What subjects? News, advice, support, suggestions, listings for special events and house parties, requests for information, shopping opportunities, and non group get-togethers.

TransFamily Parents Discussion List - an online support group for the parents of transitioning individuals, although some non-parents are permitted on a case by case basis.

TransFamily Couples Discussion List - an online support group for transitioning individuals and their spouses/life partners.

TransFamily Spouses Discussion List - an online support group exclusively for the spouses/life partners of transitioning individuals. The topics discussed on this list are different from those of the Couples list (above).

TransFamily Youth Discussion List - an online support group for transitioning teenagers, including young adults to age 21, although some younger and older individuals are permitted on a case by case basis.

TransFamily Childrens Discussion List - an online support group for the children of transitioning parents, including adult children.

Trans Forming Families: Real Stories About Transgendered Loved Ones - this book (now in its 2nd edition, expanded and updated) was edited by Mary Boenke. It's 40 authors include stories by parents about their very young gender variant children and adult children, by spouses and partners of transgendered men and women, by adult children, grandparents, and siblings.  There are stories by transgendered persons about their own experiences, and some who write about their experiences as parents. And there are some essays by therapists who comment on their work with trans folks.

Transsexuals Children - this article in The International Journal of Transgenderism is by Richard Green MD JD FRCPsych.  Available evidence does not support concerns that a parent’s transsexualism directly adversely impacts on the children. By contrast, there is extensive clinical experience showing the detriment to children in consequence of terminated contact with a parent after divorce. 

TransYouth Family Allies (TYFA) - parents, family, friends and caring adults dedicated to educating and raising public awareness about the medical and cultural challenges faced by children with gender variant and gender questioning identities and the families who love them. TYFA believes all people, especially children, have the right to be listened to when they express something as core to their sense of self as gender identity, particularly when that gender identity expression differs from their assigned birth sex ~ that anyone who supports and honors a child's gender identity expression deserves in return the support and respect of their extended families, neighbors, communities, schools, child welfare agencies, the courts and last, but not least, the medical community, ~ and that there is no greater gift we can give, or positive role-modeling we can do, than to teach our children to respect and cherish diversity.

UCDavis LGBT Resource Center's pages - LGBTQIA Glossary, Trans Ally Tips, Words That Hurt and Why..., Words That are Biphobic and Why, Words That are Transphobic and Why, Social Justice Terms, LGBT Contemporary and Historical Figures, and Safe Zone Packets.

What Does Gay Mean? How to Talk with Kids about Sexual Orientation and Prejudice - Out of concern about the well being of GLBT youth, The National Mental Health Association has initiated this anti-bullying program designed to improve understanding and respect for youth who are gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender (GLBT). Centered on an educational booklet (available in print and on their website as a PDF file) this program encourages parents and others to communicate and share values of respect with their children.

Why Should PFLAG be Transgender Inclusive? - by Robyn Serven

You Keep Using That Word “Ally.” I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means. - by Asher Bauer.


© 2003-2012 Gabi Clayton


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